Sometimes

Sometimes I have really hard nights.
Nights when I remember.
Nights when I'm ashamed.
Nights when I recall my humiliation.
Nights when I feel unloved.
Nights when I shake and heave and sob.

Then I turn roll over to the other side of the bed.

He holds me when I remember.
He forgives me when I'm ashamed.
He reassures me when I recall my humiliation.
He loves me when I feel unloved.
He pulls me tighter as my shakes get more violent
     and my sobs more silent.

A thought crosses my mind.
     I instinctively push it away.
The thought reappears.
     I thrash at it! Yell that it's lying!
It's persistent. It forces itself upon me.
     I resign and accept that

True love has found me. It will not leave me. It will not falter. For the first time in my life I have something permanent and transcendental.

I realize I am the luckiest
and anxiously await the dawn.