Hot Pocket

Tonight's dinner conversation went something like this:

Karl: In my experience, Philly Cheese Steak is the best Hot Pocket.
Me: I would argue that it is pepperoni.
Karl: Oh noooo. The Philly Cheese Stake is a delicacy. The Pepperoni Pockets are fusty.
Me: Okay. I'll take your word for it.
Karl: I've tried more flavors than you. I've eaten them on a more consistent basis than you. I just know.

(One minute later)

Karl: Hot Pockets taught me patience...


And now you all know that the Philly Cheesesteak is the best flavor of Hot Pocket. Now watch Jim Gaffigan and enjoy.

Married People Texts: Amazon and Appalachia

November 2, 2012

Me: Hey, you cool if I rent Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets from Amazon?

Karl: Yes!

Me: Awesome! You're the best!

Karl: I mean no! Amazon doesn't work unless your paper is done!

Karl: They called me and said so.

Karl: They said it will look like it works, but your eyes will fall out the next day.

Karl: Actually scratch that. They eyes falling out thing is what my parents said about manual stimulation, not what the Amazon people said. You're good.

Me: Thanks?

November 5, 2012

Me: Good news! The doctors said my irregular hemoglobin is harmless. It's just some weird genetic thing!

Karl: Or maybe you're a blue person.

Me: What?

Karl: You know. In Appalachia there are blue people. They have weirdly shaped hemoglobin that makes all of their blood look blue, making them look entirely blue.

Me: I doubt I have the blue gene.

5 minutes pass

Karl: I hope we get blue kids! That would rock! We would tell them they are super heroes!

Now I think I hope we have blue kids too! How cool would that be?!

Married People Texts: Bond

Karl: So Adele sings the theme some for the new Bond movie. :)

Me: What?

Karl: Ya, Adele the singer that won the awards but smokes and is having a secret baby has a song out that is the theme for the new Bond movie.

Me: That is incredibly random, Love.

Karl: It just made me wonder if Daniel Craig is the baby daddy. They are both British, they are both stars, and they worked together on Bond.

Me: Oh man, I love you.

Karl: I love you too. :)

This guy...I tell ya.

(Photos: Pacific Coast News | Bauer Griffin | alterations by Zimbio)

Is it possible Daniel Craig is crying because it turns out the baby isn't actually his? Conspiracy!

Married People Conversations

Karl: "(While eating leftovers) This may have been the best idea I've ever had!"

Me: "What?"

Karl: "Eating barbeque ribs right after love making! I feel, like, this extra surge of manliness!...That's what I want for my birthday! Chili's and love making!"

Me: "Ummm. If you say so..."

Karl: "I feel good though, right now! I'm on cloud 10! Not even cloud 9! CLOUD 10!"

Things They Don't Tell You About Being Married

As it turns out, car rides can be some of the most fun times in your marriage. Take our wedding day for example. After our ceremony on our way to the hotel before the reception (ahem)... Karl and I were just giddy. We had the Katy Perry CD in and blasted it, all the while singing a long. That's right. Both of us. Tonight we made a little half hour trek in the car and we listened to "Call Me Maybe" (3 times), "We Are Never Getting Back Together," and "Payphone" (3 times). We danced and sang in the car. My almost 28 year old husband sang We Are Never Getting Back Together like a pro. It was one of the proudest moments of my life.

Karl and I also like to change the words to songs if we're feeling particularly silly/improv inclined. Tonight we changed the lyrics of "Kiss Me" to reflect the plot of She's All That. It went something like 

"Change me,

So I can be so cool

Don't let

That hacky sack hit the floor"

And so on. We're pretty loose about making the syllables fit. So ya. There it is for you. Men actually do like pop songs and very often can sing the words better than you can. Now you know.

Hypochondria

I love this face.

So Karl is a bit of a hypochondriac. Whenever I'm even a little bit sick, he thinks it's cancer. If I forget where I put something, he'll say I have Alzheimer's. So I wasn't surprised to see this text conversation transpire.

Karl: "How is your day?"
Me: "It's pretty good. I have a giant headache though."
Karl: "I'm sorry! It's pretty much every day with the headaches isn't it?"
Me: "Yep. Wah, wah. Maybe I should get an eye exam."
Karl: "Yeah! Good thought...Or a brain scan."

I don't think I'll be getting a brain scan anytime soon, but it's good to know Karl's prepared for the worst. :)

Things they don't tell you about marriage: Telepathy

This morning, I glanced over at Karl and noticed his leg. Like really noticed it. Karl is 6'1 and really big boned. His femur is like 4 feet long! I kid you not. I mentioned it to him. There was a pause. Then I said, "In caveman days, if I killed you, I would definitely use your femur to bludgeon another caveman to death."

He then said, "Is is weird that I was thinking that exact same thing?"

Telepathy.