What's in a Name?

Last month I changed my name. I'm struggling to figure out who Kristie Bringhurst is. I felt like I knew Kristie Forzese pretty well, but then my last name changed and things got hard. It's weird how much attachment you can have to a name. The last name "Forzese" hold so much pride for me. It's my dad's name. My Nonno's name (Nonno is Italian for grandfather). My Old Nonno's name (My great-grandfather). All Forzeses come from Sicily, Italy. We're all related. I have cousins  that I'm friends with on FB that I've never met, but I know we're not so distantly related.

I know that just because my last name changed, that doesn't mean my heritage does, it's just a different feeling. It's a feeling of loss. I'm happy to be a Bringhurst and I'm becoming attached to that name and family, but I don't want to have to sacrifice my own. I chose to take Karl's last name. I want to be Kristie Bringhurst. It's hard to understand. I'm just kind of torn. Who knew changing your name was such a big deal? I sure didn't anticipate it. Also, it took me 22 years to nail signing my last name in cursive. You try writing Forzese in cursive! It's not easy! Now I have to relearn my signature. I never thought there could be a harder name in cursive than Forzese, but I think Bringhurst tops it. I end up just signing a "B" and a squiggle. Haha.

I think what I'm trying to say is the transition from a single girl with a cool Italian mobster last name, to a married girl with a Mormon Pioneer name is difficult. It has less to do with the names, and more to do with trying to maintain my independence, while making room for a whole person into my life that I have to learned to depend on. Marriage is a balancing act of preserving who you are and who you want to be. I know this post is kind of scattered, but I needed to say it. I don't think a lot of people talk about how difficult the transition into married life is. I'm here to say it's hard. No amount of work can prepare you for it. It's also the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm happy to let my last name go, to let the old me go if that means I get to have an amazing husband who has his own family stories to bring to the table.

I'm happy to be married, and I'm glad I finally changed my name. I am Kristie Lynne Bringhurst, with a fierce independent streak, inspiring Swedish and Italian ancestors, and a great husband who loves me. Now if only I could nail that new signature...