"I wanna be where your heart is home."

I have been away from Karl for almost 5 days now. I'm having so much fun in Massachusetts and I had a lot of fun in New York. I'm glad to be with my parents and I'm glad to be at the house where I grew up. The one thing that I'm not loving is being away from Karl. This is the longest we have ever been apart. I miss his laugh, I miss how he likes to cuddle with me at night, and I miss doing everything with him. This trip has reinforced what I always knew about him. He is my best friend. When I see two people laughing together I wish I had him with me to do the same. Yesterday at Rockport I saw a couple sitting on the rocks looking over the ocean. They were holdings hands and smiling. Never have I missed Karl more acutely. It's an interesting thing really, to find the person that you hate being apart from.

Before this trip I struggled with my loss of independence. I wasn't unhappy, but I was realizing that I was becoming codependent. I hated going to the grocery store by myself. I hated driving. I hated girls nights where I couldn't be with him. I thought I had become weak. On this trip I've done a lot alone. And quite capably. I flew by myself, I got a cab by myself, and I spent some time in Times Square by myself. I didn't get anxious or feel like someone had to be there. I realized that I wanted Karl there. I am not codependent because that's how I'm supposed to be or because I can't do things on my own. I'm codependent because I want to be. I found the one person I want at my side constantly. Karl's the person who makes every single moment better.

Also, for the first time coming back to MA, it really doesn't feel like home anymore. I mean, I feel at home at my parent's, but it doesn't feel like my home anymore. As I drove through the streets of North Attleboro, or saw a sign for Dunkin Donuts, I didn't get the same thrill I used to. I feel like it's not me anymore. All I think about is my warm comfy bed in Utah with my handsome husband and adorable kitten in it. I think of how our house is exactly how I want it and how I love that we keep the heat off all night (I like it to be cold when I sleep so I can bundle up). I have a very large part of my heart that is devoted to my home. That home is in Utah with Karl and not in North Attleboro anymore. It's funny how that happens. I couldn't be happier about it.

I can't wait until I get to see my husband on Tuesday night. I also can't wait to see what that welcome home kiss will be like. It'll be like my very own chick flick. :)